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i’m cool, we’re cool, right?

6 Dec

so yeh i pretty much screwed up my math test just now. did i feel bad? fucking terrible. uhuh that’s more like it. but yeh, i know. i kinda deserved it. maths is undeniably hard (at least for me), but i feel stupid for not trying hard enough. eurgh. and for the last couple of days i have been extra cranky to my friends/housemates due to this stress i’m having – sorry. pressure is definitely on. be it peer, parents (not much), or sponsor. whatever lah. what’s done is done.

physic’s up next; not that i’m optimistic, huh.

is it me or is it them?

23 Apr

of countless forms, essays and applications i sent for scholarships, apparently i haven’t managed to secure any interviews. none. zero. zilch. and it has always been the case of ‘maaf, permohonan anda tidak berjaya.’

i’ll be lying to say that i ain’t feel nothing. it’s not easy to see your close friends called to this and that interview, receiving various offers and even secure a scholarship when you are stuck with nothing. (and for the record, yes i am offered to do matriculation in negeri sembilan. i am grateful for this, but this is no scholarship whatever, right?)

of course i’m happy for you guys who made it. and the very best of luck to those who are waiting for their interview verdicts. yet at the same time, the thought of having to see you depart from the airport, going to another country and experiencing life, studying there, visiting places during summer and celebrating hari raya at the malaysian consulate every year kills me badly. don’t get me wrong here, i’ll still love you for whatever reasons. it’s just hard to see someone  having something that you dreamt of for years, while you were stuck with nothing. not even a chance to prove your worth. not even a single shot.

perhaps right now i’m sounding desperate and ridiculous. let’s just stop here.

but no i’m not giving up. you’ll see me there some time. just, not now.

p.s – i’m not a failure, okay.

it’s time

27 Feb

just bought new running shoes; and it’s about time (as sarimah says in the biggest loser asia) to cut the fat! now seriously i wish the spm results would be announced later so that there will be enough time for me to lose the flab. or at least look like i used to look like in school. i don’t want friends see me in my current condition.

anyways, totally random stuff here.

p/s. this is my first post via windows live writer. 😀

saturday roundup

21 Mar

today i went to damansara to pickup my spanking new passport around 9ish in the morning. i went to apply for a new passport last monday as mine has expired, but albeit the new “siap dalam dua jam” policy, i was too lazy too wait then. so today my dad drove me to the immigration department and voila!yeah i’m ready to runaway from home; yet sadly only to perlis as the holiday has come to its end. 😦

saturday voyage doesn’t end there, my dad sent me to the national library, second trip for the week in fact, so that i can finish up my NILAM project. and that is because, err, just so you know that *ahem* i am apparently tokoh nilam negeri perlis for 2009.;)  the last time i went to the library was when i was in 3rd form, where we had to do a history folio on malaysian traditional wedding. then, it was with my cousin afzy, and this time i was all by myself. the library is okay to me, not that great, a bit messy to some other libraries went before and the library staff were not that warm.

libraries wasn’t the likely place for me to hangout on saturdays, where you’ll meet completely different clique of people compared to those you see in sungei wang or pavilion. prescription glasses are by far the eyewear of choice rather than ray bans or jackie-o’s that are ubiquitous in malls aforementioned.  simply put, smarter people. no nonsense whateverdoings. you really got my respect, bookworms. there are, a lot of them, actually.
and came night, my aunt wanted to treat me some dinner. i wanted to eat wendy’s at jusco setiawangsa but she said that it was no good. we discussed and brainstormed, and we ended up in two options, tgif or manhattan fish market. i chose manhatfish as it was closer to my house, the ampang park outlet. so we went there, with my brother and my aunt’s two-year old son. i noticed there’s a new nasi lemak antarabangsa outlet opened beside manhatfish. amusingly we were the only patron in manhatfish; the outlet was empty! nonetheless we proceeded with the menu, and we ordered some flaming prawns and platters. somehow the food wasn’t as fab as usual. this is our first visit to the ampang park outlet by the way. we asked the waiter to pack the leftovers. anyway, thanks maksu.

i’ll be returning to my mundane life tomorrow. i really do miss perlis by the way. concluded that this holidays pretty much sucks.

pray that i won’t forget this blog.



21 Mar

to me its nothing but a fad. “show the world that malaysia’s united”, the ad says. yeah right. to me, its just a symbology. it’s not the real deal, chap.
situation; living hall; earth hour ad on tv;
  • auntie A : eah how to watch news ah that time… all lights turn off edy…
  • auntie B : aiyah, you just turn off your lights, TV stil can on… 
  •   i also wonder that time how to cope, so hot hor without aircon..
  • auntie A : ya la, we just turn off the lights so that people can see we care..
yeah. SHOW people that we care.
another case, our school held an oath taking ceremony for PMR and SPM students last month, attended by our parents.
as we students, in high spirits took our oath, a thought crossed my mind. will what we promised today will be practiced, or its just merely a show to the parents? symbology.
and for the earth hour? i’m studying. i’ve got my SPM, babe. 😉