it’s a tough one

first

but

coz’

– am grateful. (:

perhaps they heard me; thanks for the chance

WARNING! SUPER LONG, VERY BORING, SELF PROMOTING POST AHEAD.

i was e-mailed by yayasan sime darby on monday, informing that i am invited to attend their pre-u scholarship assessment. the assessment was held today, at sime darby convention centre. coincidentally, i was in the same session (2pm – 5.30pm) with a great buddy of mine, firdaus (gee i’ve been mentioning him a lot in my posts). and ilman my schoolmate was invited too. he was in the morning session.

to be offered such invitation, was very surprising for me. if you have been reading my blog, you should probably know that i have never gotten any scholarship calls. and suddenly out of the blue, it came. is there by any chance that someone from sime read my babblings and rants on this blog? whatever it was, i am very grateful.

came this morning i texted ilman and wished him luck. at 11ish, he called and wished me luck. me, donned in a white shirt and black formal pants (read: waiter), started my journey to SDCC with abah. he dropped me at the entrance, and wished me luck. it was nice of the bell boy to open the door for me. firdaus waited for me at the lobby. i was a bit nervous, but post chatting and laughing before registration, the knots in my stomach starts loosening. and when i went for registration, (it was 1.15ish) i learnt that we were the first of the afternoon session to register. (technically i was the first to register, firdaus 2nd. – still so kiasu, haha)

we were told that the assessment was to be held at 2. so naturally we went around the building, seeing around the convention centre. it was pretty. two restaurants on the upper floor. it’s nice.

1.3oish, we head to the musolla. firdaus did jama’. 10 minutes, and we went to the toilet beside to fix whatever’s there to be fixed, when suddenly a private number was seen on the screen of my nokia. i answered.

“amiruddin, kita dah nak mula ni. kamu kat mana ya? cepat sikit. datang dengan firdaus sekali. kita nak start briefing.”

good thing that the toilet was close to the room. rafflesia room to be exact. we went in. looks kinda full to me. i saw an empty seat. i sat. i saw someone i knew from debate. but she didn’t seem to notice me. firdaus went to the back of the room and sat there ‘coz there were no more chairs left in the front. a girl notified me, to go to the front and write my name on a masking tape, before tearing it to be put on my shirt pocket. i went back to sit, but this time i went to the back to my friend.

a lady came in and started briefing. from her voice, i noticed that she was the one who called me then. and before she went further,

“amiruddin? firdaus? are you in the room?”

inevitably we raised our hand. everyone looked. yeah. our ten seconds of fame. thanks for the grand introduction.

she went on with the briefing on what’s going to happen, what should we do and not do, and again,

“amiruddin, firdaus, kelvin, lim chip dong (note – he want’s to be called LCD), hui mum, and evonne, you are in the first group. please come with me.”

so firdaus and i are in the same group. and four others, total of four males, two females, two malays and four chinese. three applied for medicine (kelvin, evonne and hui mum), one ICT (LCD – yes, pun very much intended), one accounting (firdaus) and one economics (me). we head our way to a smaller room, and the assessor is waiting there. the assessor asked us to sit according to the name list. i sat beside firdaus, opposite mum. but i hate it when i realized that the assessor can’t see my face. if my face was facing twelve o’clock, she would be at 3++. will this affect judgment?

we were given a business case study and ten minutes to analyse it. it was more of an essay – 4 pages long, with two questions. and there’s lots of details in the passage, and combing through the words and coming out with answers in ten minutes was no easy feat. post ten minutes, we were asked to start a thirty minutes discussion. we started by introducing our names. and i began. it all went all okay; i won’t say it was exceptional. at one point the discussion, we kept on beating around the bush, rephrasing the same issue, over and over. nonetheless, i think i played my part.

i tried to control the situation by being the first to talk. i asked questions, to be answered by others. i gave analysis of their answers, and of course i gave my opinions as well. i tried to remain in control of the situation, without being bossy. i decide on what we are talking about. and when they were explaining, they were looking at me. as if it was they were explaining to me. or so i think. i don’t know if i managed to pull it off. i’m keeping my fingers crossed.

the assessor announced the end of our discussion. we thanked the assessor, and went out. we went up one level, and sat at what seems to be a banquet setup. there’s some parents waiting there. we sat and chatted along, exchanging e-mails.

we talked about plans, school and stuff. it’s fun meeting new people. new people don’t judge you, or shall i say, they judge you less. we don’t know each other, so that made everything so neutral. they don’t know whatever negative things about you, and vice versa.

we talked about scholarship interviews. some attended two, some attended five. i told them that sime was my first. they were shocked. (of course firdaus wasn’t surprised lah – he knew all along.) then they said something. something that i wish would really be true.

*there’s nothing related to the assessment past this point, so if you’re not interested in wasting your time reading about my personal life, please head straight to end of post for conclusion. ty.

after some time, we parted our ways. firdaus’ flight would be at 9.45pm. much free time. so we decided to go to klcc to have a drink, plus he haven’t took his lunch. (don’t know why?)

we asked a lady – the receptionist at the lobby to call and get us a cab. yes she called. and after a few seconds, she told us that there’s no cab to kl sentral. i was like, uh, no cab? not a single one? come on, please. you were saying that, when you called the taxi hotline, that practically linked by radio to all cabs in the lembah klang area, there was NO SINGLE ONE CAB THAT WANTS TO BE PAID TO FETCH US FROM BUKIT KIARA TO KL SENTRAL? (of course i did not say it out loud.) but this is seriously beyond irrational. very, very unacceptable.

we went out from the lobby to do some ‘thinking’, i went through my phone book in hope for a taxi number. to no avail. and lucky us, we saw a guy at the receptionist counter. i pestered firdaus to go and ask him to call again. and guess what. of course there’s cab. we should have tipped the guy.

so off to kl sentral, (p.s. – you can print receipt in cabbies nowadays!) and we went to klcc by lrt. we went to secret recipe. nommed and chatted. 4ish. we went up. i (naturally) wanted to go to kinokuniya. but on the way, we saw that the galeri petronas was open (last time it was not), and decided to check it out. entrance is free, of course. it was fun! right now, they’re helding up an exhibition called ‘NOVA – the new media’ or something like that. there’s one cool exhibit, whereby we get to blow a propeller, and patterns and colors on the screen will correspond of the way we blow it! firdaus seems to like it very much. before leaving, we signed the guestbook. we head straight to kino.

i bought a fiction by stieg larsson in penang last time, the girl with the dragon tattoo. it was awesome. so i searched the store for the sequel, the girl who played with fire. i showed firdaus a book; superfreakonomics, which i think is fun. it was the sequel to freakonomics. i haven’t read the book, only browsed a few pages of it. firdaus thought it was great, but wanted to read the first book before reading the sequel. got the book. but on second thought, he didn’t want it (yet). at last, i abandoned my crime fiction for freakonomics. i could have had both, but i’m short of cash. done that, we headed down to the lrt.

we parted our ways. three times we went out in kl together, three times we went to klcc, three times we patronised kino, and three times, we said our goodbyes in the klcc lrt station. the exact, same spot. right after the elevator going down to the platform. it’s almost the same routine, every single time.

to end, i’d say that today was an experience not to be forgotten. i am very happy for the chance given to prove myself. experience is among the best things in life that you could possibly have. and of course i would want to make it to the next stage of the assessment, if i could. i tried hard, and now i’m praying for the best. they called 400. they want 20. what are the odds?

.

p.s – i’m not feeling well. thank God the fever and itchy throat came post assessment. couldn’t ask for more. (:

is it me or is it them?

of countless forms, essays and applications i sent for scholarships, apparently i haven’t managed to secure any interviews. none. zero. zilch. and it has always been the case of ‘maaf, permohonan anda tidak berjaya.’

i’ll be lying to say that i ain’t feel nothing. it’s not easy to see your close friends called to this and that interview, receiving various offers and even secure a scholarship when you are stuck with nothing. (and for the record, yes i am offered to do matriculation in negeri sembilan. i am grateful for this, but this is no scholarship whatever, right?)

of course i’m happy for you guys who made it. and the very best of luck to those who are waiting for their interview verdicts. yet at the same time, the thought of having to see you depart from the airport, going to another country and experiencing life, studying there, visiting places during summer and celebrating hari raya at the malaysian consulate every year kills me badly. don’t get me wrong here, i’ll still love you for whatever reasons. it’s just hard to see someone  having something that you dreamt of for years, while you were stuck with nothing. not even a chance to prove your worth. not even a single shot.

perhaps right now i’m sounding desperate and ridiculous. let’s just stop here.

but no i’m not giving up. you’ll see me there some time. just, not now.

p.s – i’m not a failure, okay.

prince

when your prince charming rather stay back and watch the fight, and merely spit to the enemy’s face only when he wins, i know you’ll be happy forever. good luck.

outdoorsy

for some reasons recently i feel the urge to do some outdoorsy activities. so i made a list of this outdoorsy thingy i ought to do before i turn thirty.

1. hiking
2. scuba diving
3. rock climbing
4. parasailing
5. surfing (no, not the internet)
6. camping (no i haven’t been to a real one)
7. skiing/snowboarding
8. jungle trekking
9. ATV-ing
10. hang gliding

bisa nggak dilaku’in? of course!

innocence