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childhood

6 Oct


oh hai everyone. wow. i should be doing my physics revision now as the test is tomorrow, but i’m not. haih. my thoughts are incomprehensible at the mo. let’s try blogging it out. i feel incomplete for some reasons. i don’t know what i want.

or i think i know, but i could never get what i want. i want us to be closer, i want to talk, i want your interest and attention. what shit is this paragraph?

issue #2 – i lost my directions. i don’t know where i’m heading from here. i came to the realization that i am not (that) gifted in terms of academic achievements compared to people around me, thus leading me to conclude that i am unworthy of my own dreams. saddening much eh my life?

i go to college, learn (i think i learn), hooha here there, and back home. that’s practically what i do. come on, what kinda life is that? what is my purpose, i am still finding out. but i’m afraid my flashlight is running out of battery by the minute i’m typing this. i need someone to talk to, really. but i can’t find the right person to do so.

and what’s the most pathetic part, the person whom i use to tell all my problems is slowly becoming the problem. wait, i think she’s not my problem. i should not care actually, as per the fact that she does not care much about me either. make sense right? aaaaah life.

oh well, you know what they say about growing up, you tend to forget things along the way. and for me, perhaps i forgot how simple things can make me laugh out loud or smile all day. how i wish i could go back to the days when i was six and my biggest of problems was whether or not i had  enough lego to build a fort/robot.

little amiruddin, i miss you.

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sayang i don’t deserve you

27 Sep

this might sound like a bitch post – never intended it that way.

to look back at things, it rekindles a sudden sense of stupidity all that was. all those jokes and songs, those cookies and lattes. good ‘ol days. we were so young then, baby. so young.

but it’s a good thing though that things ended, except for the fact that i don’t get some things.

I DON’T GET IT why can’t you move on.

I DON’T GET IT why you keep reminding me of stuffs wtf.

I DON’T EFFING GET IT why do you have to tell the whole world that you’re happy/unhappy about me. i am literally puking at some point just now. thanks.

but you know what, upon writing all this i realised something. all this while –

IT IS YOU WHO NEVER GETS IT. right?

bye.

no matter

1 Sep

no matter how fucked up i am

no matter how i failed my exams

no matter how much alike i am to a homeless

no matter how sick my mind is

no matter how ridiculous my jokes are

no matter how bankrupt i am

no matter how i’ve became friends with your enemies

no matter how hard it is for you to look at me

no matter how much crap i give you

no matter how bad my breath smells like

no matter how much i slurred / mocked you

no matter if i’m muslim and u’re an atheist

can i still rely on you?

shame

31 Aug

that’s what i feel about myself atm. some things, you just can’t tell. it’s the stuff that got you asking, am i really becoming this?

is hiding  your true self with smiles and laughter hypocrisy? i don’t know. to me, i’m just plain ashamed deep inside.

i can’t believe what you said to me last night when we were alone

23 Aug

the fact that

everything is just

complete

doesn’t feel right;

you got me there

a loser in love

that is

me.

out goes the old, in comes the new

16 Aug

rimbun dahan

reasons why i smile (:

i feel so bad for abandoning this blog. truth is, i have  LOTS to tell. i still will, update if i can. see ya around. 😦

p/s. and i miss school friends, a LOT. ):

it’s a tough one

5 Jul

first

but

coz’

– am grateful. (: