is it me or is it them?

23 Apr

of countless forms, essays and applications i sent for scholarships, apparently i haven’t managed to secure any interviews. none. zero. zilch. and it has always been the case of ‘maaf, permohonan anda tidak berjaya.’

i’ll be lying to say that i ain’t feel nothing. it’s not easy to see your close friends called to this and that interview, receiving various offers and even secure a scholarship when you are stuck with nothing. (and for the record, yes i am offered to do matriculation in negeri sembilan. i am grateful for this, but this is no scholarship whatever, right?)

of course i’m happy for you guys who made it. and the very best of luck to those who are waiting for their interview verdicts. yet at the same time, the thought of having to see you depart from the airport, going to another country and experiencing life, studying there, visiting places during summer and celebrating hari raya at the malaysian consulate every year kills me badly. don’t get me wrong here, i’ll still love you for whatever reasons. it’s just hard to see someone  having something that you dreamt of for years, while you were stuck with nothing. not even a chance to prove your worth. not even a single shot.

perhaps right now i’m sounding desperate and ridiculous. let’s just stop here.

but no i’m not giving up. you’ll see me there some time. just, not now.

p.s – i’m not a failure, okay.

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3 Responses to “is it me or is it them?”

  1. nabs April 24, 2010 at 10:35 #

    how bout JPA?

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. perhaps they heard me; thanks for the chance « aléatoire de lettres - May 6, 2010

    […] such invitation, was very surprising for me. if you have been reading my blog, you should probably know that i have never gotten any scholarship calls. and suddenly out of the blue, it came. is there by […]

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